Preparing to see the light

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So I am in the waiting room right now. But I've already been into the treatment room. Apparently they wiped my face with acetone first to remove any oils or something like that. And then they broke open the vial of Levulan and painted it all over my face. Now I sit and wait for an hour and a half while the medicine soaks into my skin and prepares the skin for the blue light treatment

Before they started this the dermatologist asked me if I knew about the risks and benefits associated with this. Clearly I really did not know. So she walked me through the whole thing. It sounds like different people react in different ways. The one thing that was clear, the more damage you have, the more painful and challenging this will be. She said most people do not feel anything when the vial of Levulan is painted on their face, only the people with significant problems would feel anything at this point. So as she painted it on my face, I sat there, somewhat relaxed. But I was slightly dismayed to find that the pain-free vial utilized while painting was actually stinging my face quite a bit and in quite a few places.  The implication is that the light treatment will be more painful for me than for many who get this treatment. And then she gave me the good news that if I was prone to cold sores, which I am, that this light treatment would most likely trigger an outbreak.  Not the good news that I was hoping for. 

But one important thing that she did say was that the pain that I would experience was not causing any damage but actually was doing the exact opposite. Apparently the pain is related to the cancer cells that are fighting and dying. It's almost like, at least in my mind, the more painful it is the stronger the fight is. And the stronger the fight, the stronger the cancer cells. I don't know if that's medically factual but at least that was my interpretation. 

The idea that being in pain, especially related to something that is so similar to a sunburn, was not only non-damaging but is actually helpful. It goes against all logic. If we were sitting on the beach without any sort of sunscreen and sat there baking in the sun and felt our face getting hotter and more red and then beginning to sting and burn we would fully believe that we were causing damage and that we should stop doing this. But this is the exact opposite logic that we see here.

She told me that the pain will increase through the first few minutes and crescendo around the 10th minute. She said after that things tend not to get worse and it's easier for the last seven minutes or so. 

The fight really is between the cancer cells and the medicine. The cancer cells attack by creating pain in my body trying to get me to call off the treatment. To quit. The cancer cells know that they are dying and so they attack. They attack with pain hoping that I will give in and say stop I give up. But I am strong. I know my enemy. And I know how to defeat him. I just need to outlast him.  Like a prizefighter who knows his opponent can't go the distance. He takes punch after punch knowing that each blow that he receives hurts and will cause him pain for days and weeks to come. But he also knows that his opponent cannot maintain this level of fury for all the rounds to come. He waits until the twilight rounds and then attacks. The weakened opponent who has exerted all of his effort is helpless against the onslaught.  I am the superior fighter. I am the champion. I will win.