Monday, March 16, 2015

For the people who have always been fat and for those who just need to change.

If this is your first visit to the 30 Day Broth Fast, I'd encourage you to read this from the first entry, like a book.  It's easy and the entries aren't too long.  For the rest of you, welcome back.

For the people who have always been fat, losing weight must be very difficult idea.  They don't really know how awesome they will look.  Nor do they know how great they will feel.  The reason is, they've never experienced it before.  I didn't realize this until I was back in Ocean City, New Jersey working as a consultant, with a Chinese restaurant.  There was a girl who was 20 years old but who looked much older because of her weight.  She was way too heavy for her young age.  She had a pretty face and was always with a smile and a good conversationalist.   She was fascinated by my story of weight loss.  She was clearly interested in the idea and how this could work for her.  I asked her how much weight she would like to lose...ideally.  Her answer was, 10 pounds.  I don't know how much she would have needed to lose to be healthy, but I knew that is was a lot more than 10 pounds.  I would guess about 100, seriously.  The issue was that she had always been fat and had no idea about the concept of being thinner, for herself.

The best that some people have ever looked was chubby, so how could they picture themselves looking hot?  But the truth is, you WILL look hot.  And you CAN look hot.  For me, it's fun to feel good about my body.

I used to try to avoid allowing my wife to see my body when I was naked, but now, I kinda show off a bit.  What the heck, she's my wife and she might as well enjoy the view.  :-)  I never felt comfortable at the beach with my shirt off.  I was always very concerned about how I looked.  I didn't like having a belly that was so big, and I certainly didn't like having manboobs, that part was the worst.  I just hated how I looked.  I was embarrassed by how I looked.  My body was a reflection of my "self-care".  I couldn't have cared less about myself really.

I was really very depressed and miserable.  I didn't like myself, at all.  The self-loathing was horrifyingly overwhelming.  Many times I had prayed that the Lord would just take me.  I would drive down the road in the fast lane closest to oncoming traffic and hope that a semi-truck would cross the divider and hit me.  There was a whole lot of self-hatred.

My weight was a symptom of deeper problems.  So much of life, and just living, was a fight for me.  More like a war.  But losing the weight was evidence that demonstrated my determination,  that I was going to do something about it.  I was going to start the battle to improve myself with the one thing that would give me great joy that was measurable...weight loss.  And that I could actually have success with this.  I "could" control what I ate and how much I weighed.   My life was a war, a war against myself.  The weight was one battle.  But it was a decisive battle.  I knew that this would be a turning point in the war.  Perhaps I didn't fully comprehend this at the time but I sure do now.  And guess what?  I won the battle.  I have triumphed.  The enemy has turned away.

I could do it!! I just didn't know that I could.  I had just accepted life and my poor health as...."well, that's life".  But it wasn't and it isn't.

I don't know why and I don't really know what made me do it, but one day, I decided that I should try to fix this stuff that caused me strife and pain.  I am not sure that I remember a defining moment where lightning struck and made me think, "Aha! Today is the day!"  Now I'll lose weight, and now I'll start on my path to improvement.  In truth, I don't think that I saw it as a pathway to improvement, but it was.  It was the first step.

But it did happen.  One day, it just happened.  I don't think that I could have just waited for it.  It wasn't a shocking moment.  It wasn't because of anything in particular, although the realization that all of my medical issues were stemming from one thing, I was fat.  I knew two things.

1)  I didn't want to be fat anymore.  I didn't want to be unhealthy and "sick".
2)  I could do something about it.  There was a solution.  There was a solution that fit me and my type of weight loss plan.

I knew that I could be tough on myself, but not for long.  30 days what a realistic amount of time.  I remember telling the doctor, "I can do anything for 30 days".  I liked accomplishing things, although I rarely finished anything.  But this, I believed that I could do.  It was simple enough and my doctor was fully supporting me in this decision and recommendation.  It was his idea.  I am very thankful for him.

There was one conversation though.  A famous movie star's wife and I had a short, but pivotal, conversation that I will never, ever forget.  It gave me encouragement to rethink my thinking.  I'll have to share that later, and who the celebrity was.  But that is for a different day.

If you appreciate this blog, please share it with others.  I hope to be an encouragement to you and your friends and associates.  :-)