Decision-making at 300 pounds

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I have a dear friend, well at the time more of an acquaintance that I met at the restaurant, recently told me that he was motivated by my story. He desperately wanted to lose weight. He weighed over 300 pounds. I mentioned in a past blog-post a 300 pound man yet this was another.  Well, we met for breakfast one morning recently. He and his very lovely friend, who was in perfectly fit condition. Amazingly so. And quite pretty too. 

He was at the end of his rope with his body. He told me about how he couldn't even sit in a chair at a restaurant comfortably.  He pointed to his legs under the table. He couldn't get close enough to the table sitting in a normal position and had to try to fold them toward the outside, perhaps hard to describe but easy to see that he was not comfortable. He said that it was impossible to sit in a booth. He went on to say that he would sweat constantly, that he'd often spill on his shirt because the distance from the plate to his mouth was so great, that things would fall his the fork in transit to his mouth. He told me about never really feeling comfortable. How he had difficulty tying his shoes and the great challenge of cutting his toe nails. He told me that he has to "pick up his stomach and move it over" to access them. He went into details to strongly convey to me that he was miserable. Clearly he wanted me to understand that he was immensely burdened by this weight. 

But he was not alone.  His sweet and lovely lady was with him. Clearly he loved her. And clearly she loved him. But they weren't married. And in truth, his weight was the reason why. She loved him but was afraid to commit because she was convinced that he was going to have a stroke. She said, "he could walk out of this restaurant and take two step and collapse from a stroke."  Clearly this idea gripped her and prevented her from committing to him. They loved each other but it was his weight that prevented their connection. The connection that they clearly both wanted. This is why they asked to meet with me. Not because of my ability to provide any sort of health advice being that I'm not a doctor, but to ask about my story and what it was that I did to lose the weight. They asked if it was difficult and what challenges I faced. He asked me if I felt it would be a good choice for him and I told him that he needed to see Dr. Scott Saunders to be able to answer that question. 

I'm happy to say that he did meet with Dr. Saunders to discuss the 30 Day Broth  Fast. 

He asked me about the decision to start such a radical diet and why and how I succeeded. I told him that it worked for me because I made the decision to do it. Let me rephrase that. I made the decision to "COMPLETE" the fast...not just to start it. 

You see, for me it was about the conviction of the decision. Not the decision to "try". That's not really a decision, trying does not involve much decision making. It says, I'll only sample. I'm not going to commit. More like I'll forgo making a decision until later. And often it means, I'll continue until I don't like it or until I change my mind. It's driven by self-pleasure and not by conviction. 

Conviction is what's missing in modern society and it is missing in the life of the chronically overweight. This is a 2-part of the demon with chronically overweight people. They are driven by a desire to please themselves temporarily, knowing full well that with each bite they are making things worse. These two issues connected to self hatred. 

Wow! That's some heady stuff!!  But after taking over 2 years to consider my past life, my transition, and my new life, this is what I've noticed again and again. Those who are overweight and say that they "can't " lose weight really mean is that they believe they lack the stamina and the self-control. They lack the motivation to lose weight because that would require them to be uncomfortable and not have their desires met. 

This is untrue. They can. I did. I was a mess. And I did it. 

And it's not uncommon to see many of these people, (me), having a poor self-image and not just from being fat. Sometimes the weight comes on first but often enough it's the self-hatred that led them to their current state that fuels this (me). 

Not always, but too often self-hatred is at the root. For some it was years of family members treating them badly. For others it was the inability to forgive oneself. For some it's something else, but all overweight people who aren't satisfied with their current condition can change that, like it really "is"possible to change that. But it's not necessarily easy.  

I'm reminded of when I was a high school teacher. Graduating from high school isn't necessarily easy either. It meant everyday having to go to school. And then everyday having to do homework. And having to constantly pay attention. And it meant rules. You know...it isn't all that easy but it's not all that hard either. 

But what these two have in common (weight loss and graduating) is commitment and conviction. 

So getting back to my 300 pound friend, 339 pounds to be exact, he had to make a decision, and we all make a decision. Do I stay as I am, or do I decide to do something about it. And decision-making is a process. Making-a-decision is an event. So while in the decision-making process, he wisely went to see Dr. Saunders . He did his research. He considered his options. He looked at his motivation. Considered his options. And he met with me as someone who had gone down the path ahead of him. And then....he was left with a decision.  The decision-making process was complete. It was time to decide. 

No decision is a decision. It's a decision to "hold the course", to stay on the same tack. It's a decision. So he left me, texted me, called me, and asked me about a hundred questions. I referred him to Dr. Saunders for many of his questions as I was only able to tell him my story of my road and my battle as it related to my previous condition. And he waited. 

And then I got the text. He sent me a picture of a cutting board, vegetables and a soup on a crockpot. I thought, "Wow, he did it!"  He made the decision. And I fully believed that his decision was based on commitment to "finish", and not to just "start and try". 

I was happy to see him embark on a path that I had walked. And off he ran like a marathon runner, conscientious and calculated.