Decision-making at 300 pounds

Note to newbie's:  If you're just joining us, feel free to stick around but you might enjoy the story better if you start at the very beginning.  It reads like a book so it's fun to start with the first post and read each entry.  Here's the link:  Click Here for First Post

I have a dear friend, well at the time more of an acquaintance that I met at the restaurant, recently told me that he was motivated by my story. He desperately wanted to lose weight. He weighed over 300 pounds. I mentioned in a past blog-post a 300 pound man yet this was another.  Well, we met for breakfast one morning recently. He and his very lovely friend, who was in perfectly fit condition. Amazingly so. And quite pretty too. 

He was at the end of his rope with his body. He told me about how he couldn't even sit in a chair at a restaurant comfortably.  He pointed to his legs under the table. He couldn't get close enough to the table sitting in a normal position and had to try to fold them toward the outside, perhaps hard to describe but easy to see that he was not comfortable. He said that it was impossible to sit in a booth. He went on to say that he would sweat constantly, that he'd often spill on his shirt because the distance from the plate to his mouth was so great, that things would fall his the fork in transit to his mouth. He told me about never really feeling comfortable. How he had difficulty tying his shoes and the great challenge of cutting his toe nails. He told me that he has to "pick up his stomach and move it over" to access them. He went into details to strongly convey to me that he was miserable. Clearly he wanted me to understand that he was immensely burdened by this weight. 

But he was not alone.  His sweet and lovely lady was with him. Clearly he loved her. And clearly she loved him. But they weren't married. And in truth, his weight was the reason why. She loved him but was afraid to commit because she was convinced that he was going to have a stroke. She said, "he could walk out of this restaurant and take two step and collapse from a stroke."  Clearly this idea gripped her and prevented her from committing to him. They loved each other but it was his weight that prevented their connection. The connection that they clearly both wanted. This is why they asked to meet with me. Not because of my ability to provide any sort of health advice being that I'm not a doctor, but to ask about my story and what it was that I did to lose the weight. They asked if it was difficult and what challenges I faced. He asked me if I felt it would be a good choice for him and I told him that he needed to see Dr. Scott Saunders to be able to answer that question. 

I'm happy to say that he did meet with Dr. Saunders to discuss the 30 Day Broth  Fast. 

He asked me about the decision to start such a radical diet and why and how I succeeded. I told him that it worked for me because I made the decision to do it. Let me rephrase that. I made the decision to "COMPLETE" the fast...not just to start it. 

You see, for me it was about the conviction of the decision. Not the decision to "try". That's not really a decision, trying does not involve much decision making. It says, I'll only sample. I'm not going to commit. More like I'll forgo making a decision until later. And often it means, I'll continue until I don't like it or until I change my mind. It's driven by self-pleasure and not by conviction. 

Conviction is what's missing in modern society and it is missing in the life of the chronically overweight. This is a 2-part of the demon with chronically overweight people. They are driven by a desire to please themselves temporarily, knowing full well that with each bite they are making things worse. These two issues connected to self hatred. 

Wow! That's some heady stuff!!  But after taking over 2 years to consider my past life, my transition, and my new life, this is what I've noticed again and again. Those who are overweight and say that they "can't " lose weight really mean is that they believe they lack the stamina and the self-control. They lack the motivation to lose weight because that would require them to be uncomfortable and not have their desires met. 

This is untrue. They can. I did. I was a mess. And I did it. 

And it's not uncommon to see many of these people, (me), having a poor self-image and not just from being fat. Sometimes the weight comes on first but often enough it's the self-hatred that led them to their current state that fuels this (me). 

Not always, but too often self-hatred is at the root. For some it was years of family members treating them badly. For others it was the inability to forgive oneself. For some it's something else, but all overweight people who aren't satisfied with their current condition can change that, like it really "is"possible to change that. But it's not necessarily easy.  

I'm reminded of when I was a high school teacher. Graduating from high school isn't necessarily easy either. It meant everyday having to go to school. And then everyday having to do homework. And having to constantly pay attention. And it meant rules. You know...it isn't all that easy but it's not all that hard either. 

But what these two have in common (weight loss and graduating) is commitment and conviction. 

So getting back to my 300 pound friend, 339 pounds to be exact, he had to make a decision, and we all make a decision. Do I stay as I am, or do I decide to do something about it. And decision-making is a process. Making-a-decision is an event. So while in the decision-making process, he wisely went to see Dr. Saunders . He did his research. He considered his options. He looked at his motivation. Considered his options. And he met with me as someone who had gone down the path ahead of him. And then....he was left with a decision.  The decision-making process was complete. It was time to decide. 

No decision is a decision. It's a decision to "hold the course", to stay on the same tack. It's a decision. So he left me, texted me, called me, and asked me about a hundred questions. I referred him to Dr. Saunders for many of his questions as I was only able to tell him my story of my road and my battle as it related to my previous condition. And he waited. 

And then I got the text. He sent me a picture of a cutting board, vegetables and a soup on a crockpot. I thought, "Wow, he did it!"  He made the decision. And I fully believed that his decision was based on commitment to "finish", and not to just "start and try". 

I was happy to see him embark on a path that I had walked. And off he ran like a marathon runner, conscientious and calculated. 

How to deal with loss. Loss of weight and loss of friends.

Note to newbie's:  If you're just joining us, feel free to stick around but you might enjoy the story better if you start at the very beginning.  It reads like a book so it's fun to start with the first post and read each entry.  Here's the link:  Click Here for First Post

So yes, I lost a lot of weight....especially considering my frame size.  And I'd like to write about that, but I'd also like to write about my recent loss of my dear friend Stewart.  He died a few days ago at the far too young age of 29.

Stewart was a joy to all.  Well-loved by all who knew him.

Dealing with his loss has been difficult for me, and devastating for other friends and family who have know him for much longer than I have.

I've dealt with a lot of loss.  I've lost many, many friends and associates.  Far more then most anyone that I know.  But to be clear, when I say that I lost them, I'm not saying that they all died, but truthfully, they might as well have.  If you have a very dear friend, or even just a good one, and if this friend moves away, changes jobs, jumps on a sailboat to travel the 7 Seas, they are gone.  Poof!  They are gone and often we don't hear from or see them again.  But not as much today with the advent of social media, texting, Snap Chat, Skype, and plain old email.  Even the regular cell phone works just fine.  We stay in touch, if both sides want to.

But it was different for me growing up.  None of those communication methods existed, except a basic home phone.  But the problem with the home phone was that to call anyone who was outside of your town was very expensive.  Some of you might remember "long distance" charges priced by mileage and time of day.  And there was also "local long distance" for calling only a couple of towns over.  Hence, keeping in touch became expensive.  And it relied on catching people when they were sitting around their house.  And since it was expensive and challenging, friendships just died off.  Not so different than the "loss" of my dear friend Stewart.

I say that I've had a lot of loss because as a child, I moved a lot and "lost" a lot of close friends and acquaintances.  I "lost" any sense of security.  Things familiar just disappeared.  

Before preschool, we lived in at least 3 houses...3 that I know of.  

Between preschool and 4th grade, we lived in 3 houses all hours apart.

I attended 3 different junior high schools.

I went to 4 high schools.

4 colleges, and 2 grad school.

And I lost a lot of friends, which are the commodity in the pre-18 age group.

I lost activities like sports (in particular hockey).  I was really good at hockey having grown up in the Northeast and having started playing by 5 years old.  I was really very good.  But then just before I started high school, we moved over 3000 miles to San Diego and my parents weren't going to drive me to the rink about a half an hour away.  And there it was.  Hockey died.  It just stopped.  The loss of a sport isn't so easy as one might think.  But I'm sure there are some that understand.

And it was the loss of everything familiar to me.  Although we moved a lot, it was always within a familiar culture in which I knew how to operate.  And they were small town with small schools.  The town that I lived in before moving to San Diego had 2000 people and 2 ice rinks.  My 8th grade graduating class had 20 kids, 10 guys and 10 girls.  I "lost" this comfort and moved to the urban sprawl of San Diego and lived in a town with 3 high schools, each bigger than my entire town that we left behind.  And the culture was VERY different and way rougher than anything that was familiar.  I lost everything that I knew and everything that made me feel secure.

And I was really, really, really good a speech and debate competitions having finished at the State level my first year of high school.  It was a great group of people and we all became very close as we would practice with each other and regularly travel to weekend tournaments together.  And then it too died.  We moved 8 hours north to San Francisco area.  I went to another school of course, and they didn't have such a group, and they didn't have the friends that I had to leave behind.  

I could go on and on (really) listing all of the loss and pain that I experienced while growing up lacking stability. But suffice it to say, that I've had to learn how to deal with it. And learn how to deal with it, I have.  

Rather than focusing on the loss, the past, I focus on the joy of what I have in that moment.  I know that this might sound a bit Zen, but I mean really to just be genuinely thankful for what I have right now.  I appreciate and am thankful for the friends that I have, while I have them.

Recently I traveled to South Jersey for work, about 3000 miles away, and I was gone for 3 months.   I actually spend a lot of time on the road as I have an upstart consulting firm that I am building. And when you are a male traveling solo, people tend to be a bit wary to develop relationships, or even talk to you.  A guy/guy friendship take a while to develop and most guys are just not all that keen on adding random males to their groups especially if they know that you're not going to be around all that long.  Girls...well girls are "super" hesitant to be very friendly, even though I wear a wedding ring and am quick to talk about my dear wife and show people pictures of her. They are just too sure that "something is up with this guy".  And then there are couples who tend to be more open to say Hi.  And perhaps are happy to engage in conversation at a coffee shop, bar, or whatever but then there's that moment when they leave. None of these groups wants to keep the friendship alive.  It's just too weird these days.  Even with lots of careful effort, these relationships just die.  

Die, death, loss, and lost may sound like strong words but really what difference is the word choice in the end result?  We never see them or hear from them again.  As crass as it might sound, they might as well be dead as they ceased to exist in my life.

So.... While I'm out to dinner by myself or when I go out for whatever reason, I talk to people, and genuinely have a great time. I enjoy talking with folks that I meet on the street.  And being a chatty sort of friendly guy, I find that I really "crave" that social interaction. Or anyone that there is a reason to talk to....at all.  And I love the interaction.  It's great!! We laugh, we have fun, it's a great night, or 10 minute conversation, but then....they die.  They're gone.  No more.  Poof.

So rather than being sad about this, I'm now thankful that I had them in my life.  It starts becoming less of, "I don't have any friends" and "I don't know anybody around here and those that I do get to know, leave"  and it becomes more of, "I have all these friends that I get to see all the time".  I just don't get to be with them long....but it's long enough to provide joy in my life and hopefully I do the same for them. If I have enjoyed their company for a few minutes and then a bit later I enjoy the company of another person, then "en masse" they become one multi-faceted and multi-faced friend.

So my dear friend Stewart moved away and I'm not going to be able to see him again...just like many other friends that I have.  But I'm really thankful that he was my dear friend for the last year.

Decision and Conviction. Pride and Success.

Note to newbie's:  If you're just joining us, feel free to stick around but you might enjoy the story better if you start at the very beginning.  It reads like a book so it's fun to start with the first post and read each entry.  Here's the link:  Click Here for First Post

As you most likely remember from the last blog post, I was about to have a significantly challenging skin cancer treatment....

I walked into an overly hygienic room that smelled of antiseptic.  There were no pictures on the wall and in the center of the room was a sole procedural chair and a massive pale looking device with a haunting apparatus at the end an articulating arm.

They gave me a pair of protective red lenses and placed a disconcerting, and rather frightening contraption of a machine, uncomfortably close to my face.  With no warning and shockingly fast the machine came to life.  It was a little unnerving to hear what sounded like a nuclear generator starting up in stereo inches from my skin.  That electrical noise went from yawning silence within that sterile and overly white office to a deep and eire VROOOM with a heavy drone of a fan far louder than I would have liked.  It was all that I could hear, like listening to static full volume through a pair of full-sized 1970's headphones.  And the blue light appliance surrounded the forward half of my head.  And yes, it was a bit scary.  I kept my eyes closed as to avoid staring at this soulless machine that held no pity for me.

For the first 30 seconds or so I forgot that they said it would hurt.  I was distracted by the ominous sound and the realization that the treatment had started.  And then it snuck up on me and within the next 30 seconds or so the pain began to build.  Quickly.  I was startled by the speed at which this grew.  It was so fast that it set my heart racing.  And it didn't stop.  It built and seemed to crescendo in about 2 minutes.  I thought to myself, is that it?  It hurt for sure but it wasn't unbearable.  Then I heard a voice yell over the roar of the hateful machine.  "Are you all right?"  And I was.  It was the technician who wisely waited outside the room with the door closed.  She said that she would be back at the 5 minute mark.  Then I was alone again.  Just me and the monster.

I thought the pain had evened off but then it began to build and heighten.  The machine seemed to increase its intensity.  I nervously wondered how much more was yet to come.  And in what seemed like 30 seconds, I heard that voice again, checking on me.  She said, "You're doing great. I'll be back at the 10 minute mark."  Had it already been 5 minutes?  It seemed somewhat shorter than that.  But I thought, gosh, why couldn't she just stay in there with me?  I was sure that it wasn't any safer for her than for the X-ray technician that leaves you on a cold table in a dark room.

And then it hit.  Quickly the burning pain began to intensify.  It felt like sitting in the hot sun on a clear day at the peak of the summer, the day after getting completely fried at the beach.  It seemed illogical to stay here, especially knowing that it was getting worse and more painful.  Then came the needles.  Not literal needles. But the sensation of millions of needles pressing into my face simultaneous.  Like a face sized tattoo gun.  The unyielding sting and burn continued, unrelentingly.

But I was determined.  I was not going to quit.  I knew that as much as it hurt me, it hurt the cancer cells more.  I would survive, and the enemy would not.

The door opened, "Ok, it's been 10 minutes."  At this news, I felt relief...not physical relief but I remembered the doctor saying that after about the 10 minute mark the pain would most likely not increase any more, but neither would it decrease.  The expectation was that it would plateau and continue for the last seven and a half minutes.

I took joy and comfort in this.  Sure it hurt but I could do it, and I had decided to do it for the full 17 1/2 minutes no matter what. And I was doing it.  It was that same feeling that came across me about week two after drinking nothing but broth for half of a month.

You see it is the decision to do something, to make that unwavering commitment to see something through to the end that allows the process to be bearable.  Not that the committed decision would make it easier but it eliminates potential disengagement from the process.  It's about making the full-force committed pledge.  A pledge to oneself.  "I" am going to do this!   I "am" going to do this! Commitment is what transforms a promise into reality. It is the words that speak boldly of one's intentions. And the actions which follow speak louder than the words spoken prior.  Commitment is the stuff character is made of; the power to change the face of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over skepticism.  Once this level of decision is made, there is only success.

This is true of a 17 minute blue light skin cancer treatment or of drinking nothing but soup broth for a month.  Decision and conviction.

The last seven minutes went by with emotional comfort.  I did it.  I knew that I would complete this and see it through to the end.  And so with great pride, truly pride, I sat for the last 7 minutes and 30 seconds a little taller in the chair knowing I had stared this menace down.  Face to face we fought and I won. But I won before I walked into the treatment room.  

It's decision, conviction, and commitment that lead to success.

Make your decision.  Know it.  Own it.  Have the internal fortitude to carry it out with conviction.  Keep your commitment.  Know pride.  Know success.   

Preparing to see the light

Note to newbie's:  If you're just joining us, feel free to stick around but you might enjoy the story better if you start at the very beginning.  It reads like a book so it's fun to start with the first post and read each entry.  Here's the link:  Click Here for First Post

So I am in the waiting room right now. But I've already been into the treatment room. Apparently they wiped my face with acetone first to remove any oils or something like that. And then they broke open the vial of Levulan and painted it all over my face. Now I sit and wait for an hour and a half while the medicine soaks into my skin and prepares the skin for the blue light treatment

Before they started this the dermatologist asked me if I knew about the risks and benefits associated with this. Clearly I really did not know. So she walked me through the whole thing. It sounds like different people react in different ways. The one thing that was clear, the more damage you have, the more painful and challenging this will be. She said most people do not feel anything when the vial of Levulan is painted on their face, only the people with significant problems would feel anything at this point. So as she painted it on my face, I sat there, somewhat relaxed. But I was slightly dismayed to find that the pain-free vial utilized while painting was actually stinging my face quite a bit and in quite a few places.  The implication is that the light treatment will be more painful for me than for many who get this treatment. And then she gave me the good news that if I was prone to cold sores, which I am, that this light treatment would most likely trigger an outbreak.  Not the good news that I was hoping for. 

But one important thing that she did say was that the pain that I would experience was not causing any damage but actually was doing the exact opposite. Apparently the pain is related to the cancer cells that are fighting and dying. It's almost like, at least in my mind, the more painful it is the stronger the fight is. And the stronger the fight, the stronger the cancer cells. I don't know if that's medically factual but at least that was my interpretation. 

The idea that being in pain, especially related to something that is so similar to a sunburn, was not only non-damaging but is actually helpful. It goes against all logic. If we were sitting on the beach without any sort of sunscreen and sat there baking in the sun and felt our face getting hotter and more red and then beginning to sting and burn we would fully believe that we were causing damage and that we should stop doing this. But this is the exact opposite logic that we see here.

She told me that the pain will increase through the first few minutes and crescendo around the 10th minute. She said after that things tend not to get worse and it's easier for the last seven minutes or so. 

The fight really is between the cancer cells and the medicine. The cancer cells attack by creating pain in my body trying to get me to call off the treatment. To quit. The cancer cells know that they are dying and so they attack. They attack with pain hoping that I will give in and say stop I give up. But I am strong. I know my enemy. And I know how to defeat him. I just need to outlast him.  Like a prizefighter who knows his opponent can't go the distance. He takes punch after punch knowing that each blow that he receives hurts and will cause him pain for days and weeks to come. But he also knows that his opponent cannot maintain this level of fury for all the rounds to come. He waits until the twilight rounds and then attacks. The weakened opponent who has exerted all of his effort is helpless against the onslaught.  I am the superior fighter. I am the champion. I will win. 

Skin Cancer, Blue Lights, a Retreat, and a Whole Lot of PAIN

Note to newbie's: If you're just joining us, feel free to stick around but you might enjoy the story better if you start at the very beginning. It reads like a book so it's fun to start with the first post and read each entry. Here's the link: For First Post Click Here!

So apparently I have a whole bunch of pre-cancerous skin issues.  And since this blog is about improvement, I thought I'd write about them.  Improving oneself takes many forms, and apparently has multiple chapters.  I got the weight loss down, and a healthy lifestyle, but I need to address some other areas as well.  I cannot just accept this unhealthy condition of my skin.  Doing so could literally be deadly.  And this is not an overstatement.  If you haven't been to a dermatologist, I'd strongly encourage you to do so.  

But don't worry, there's more to come about weight loss!  And a special bit of news related to one gentleman who is on the fast right now!!  How exciting!!  He was over 300 pounds, 339 pounds to be exact, and he is dropping weight quickly (of course with a doctor supervising and monitoring him). He's doing it and has a story not so different than mine.  I'll write about him soon in some of the next few posts.

But back to the skin cancer joy... So the dermatologist told me that I have a bunch of "reminders" on my face of all of the years that I spent in the sun skiing, racing and cruising sailboats, driving one of a number of covertibles (including a 1964 Austin Healy Sprite, 1959 Sunbeam Alpine, Chrysler LeBaron, 1962 Rambler American, a Celica, two 1974 VW Things, and a couple of Fiats), and just a bunch of general time in the sun at the beach in warm and sunny Santa Barbara, California.  Foolishly, I never wore any "Suntan Lotion" AKA Sun-Block.  Now I'm paying the price.  By the way, I didn't wear it by choice.  Even more foolish.  But I hated myself then and I think I did it because of that self-hatred.  More on that another time.  And definitely a lot more on that in the book.

So now I need to fix these years of sun damage and the dermatologist has recommended Photo-Dynamic Therapy with Blue Light and Levulan.  To be honest I only know very little about this other than what the doctor has told me and some info the I've read online.  According to what I've learned, the doctor puts this lotion (Levulan) on my face, and then they zap me with blue light for 17 minutes, and then you go home and stay out of the light for a few weeks.

But there is this significant, physical, burining, pain thing.

Apparently this is really quite painful.  Like really painful.  They said it will feel like my face is burning.  Some people can only take 5 minutes of the treatment.  And apparently there is nothing wrong or damaging during the time with the pain, and actually it is very helpful to take the full 17 minutes.  Then after this is over, I'll need to be out of the sun, and even out of the light coming through a window for some number of days or weeks.  And during the following 2 to 4 weeks, my skin will look and feel very sunburnt.  And there will be bleeding.  And ugly sores where the cancerous cells resided.  Did I mention that I have a bunch of these, hence the treatment.  I've seen some pictures, and I don't want to see more.

There are two things to mention here.  The first: my plan is to go away from my family during this time when I'll look disgusting.  A dear, dear, sweet friend named Leslie has agreed to kindly allow me to go up to her condo in the mountains near Mammoth Lakes, California to hide away.  I cannot express the gratitude that I have for her generosity.  I'll be able to hide away and recover without people needing to see me.  I will have to drive a night to get there as I cannot be in the light at all after the procedure.  And what will I do while hold up in this semi-remote condo for 3 to 4 weeks you ask?  What else? Write a book!

I've been told that if you get over 10,000 folks reading your blog that you might have the makings for a book.  Well, as of today, I'm getting pretty close to the 40,000 mark.  Pretty cool, eh?  Please share this story of self-improvement with your friends and be sure to be on the look out for a book coming soon.

But there is that pain and fear thing, which is the second thing that I want to mention.  Actually I don't want to mention it but it is a fact that can't be avoided if I don't want to have skin cancer, that runs in my family significantly.  I've been told that this will hurt a lot and that I might need to call it quits and not complete the treatment for the full 17 minutes.  I cannot do this.  What I mean is, I cannot quit.  I believe that the biggest part of losing weight through a broth fast is making the decision.  Not the decision to try it, but the uncompromising decision to do it and see it through to the end.  Unless a doctor calls it off or there's some pressing medical reason, I'm committed to finishing this and going the full 17 minutes.  I'm committed to accepting the pain, misery, and discomfort that will follow for as many as 4 weeks.  I'm committed.  I made the decision.  I've stormed the island and burnt the boats.  But I have motivation.

It's not just motivation to remove the skin cancer but it is far more important than that.  And this might sound odd to some, but this is my blog and so it's my story of my beliefs.  I feel that I need to withstand this pain because I might be called on one day to stand firm in my faith.  In the world we live today we have many who are being persecuted and even tortured and killed for their faith.  They are being pressed hard to turn from their beliefs and accept another's.  And you know, it's one thing to change your mind and choose to "accept" a new faith because of new knowledge or through some sort of new revelation but it's something else to "give up" one's faith because to fear, persecution, or pain.  I hope, and pray, that I'm never put to the test and require to withstand horrid and evil pressure to renounce my faith, but if I am, I've chosen to not fold.  There are many in the world recently, and perhaps always, that have been physically beaten, burned, and killed for their beliefs.  If these can withstand such attacks for their belief, I can withstand 17 minutes of pain and 4 weeks of misery.  I don't know if that is completely clear, but my guess is that you get the gist.  I know what I believe.  And although many could argue what they believe is right and good, we all know what evil looks like.  And we all know that murdering people for their faith is not "right and good".  It is evil and hateful.  I might not know what is right, but I sure know what is wrong.  I choose to stand by what is right.

So, as I wax poetic about this, I must say that I am still scared and nervous.  I've asked my sweet wife to come with me to be a support.  Having her by my side will be a huge help and support.  One day I might not have her by my side, but today she is here, and I love her support and encouragement.

So off I go in another 10 minutes to willingly accept and take a dosage of pain for my improvement.  I've referred to the "30 Day Broth Fast" as the "kick your ass and get it done" weight loss method.  Well, this is the "kick you ass and burn your face" skin cancer treatment.  I'm sure that I'll be writing more about this in the next few posts.  Please stay tuned.

300 pounds of problems

Hi Friends,

Note to newbie's:  If you're just joining us, feel free to stick around but you might enjoy the story better if you start at the very beginning.  It reads like a book so it's fun to start with the first post and read each entry.  Here's the link:  Click Here for First Post

As you may know, I work as a waiter, while I'm building my consulting business, these days at a restaurant in Santa Barbara, California called Benchmark eatery.  It's a pretty cool place located on the "main drag" State Street in the Arts and Theater District.  Casual dining and a nice al fresco patio.  Let's stop for a moment and think about that.  I'm 50 years old and I work as a waiter!! It's a very physically demanding job!!  The average waiter is less than half my age, literally.  But the thing that gets me is that if I tried to do this, even many years back, it would be the same as me doing this while carrying an entire case of wine with me.  Next time you're at the store where they have wine or booze on display by the case, pick it up.  Then walk around the store with it....for 5 to 10 hours.  That's about right.  Oh, but walk very, very quickly.

Well, I digress...that's pretty common for me I guess.

So while I was working yesterday, I waited on a couple.  The man ordered only a side of vegetables and asked for some bread and butter.  He was quite large.  He said that he needed to lose weight.  He said that he didn't have much choice because he had lots of health problems.

He really was very big.  He told me that he weighed 300 pounds.  But there were two things that struck me about him.  He fully accepted and "knew" that he "must" lose weight.  He was clearly committed to this.  He had enough health issues that it pushed him to the place of saying, "it's do or die".  Not that he used those words, but that is the general theme of what he said.

The other thing that struck me was what an amazingly nice guy he was!!  He had a personality that was bright and cheery.  He was funny but not silly.  Clearly he was intelligent and was an absolute joy to wait on.  He was positive, appreciative, and encouraging to me.  He thanked me sincerely, and often.  And he also gave me my largest tip of the day, in percentage, and in dollars.

This was certainly a good man.  But for good or ill, society tends to judge people by how they look.  And most would shy away from this gentle giant because of his size.

He told me that he was about to enter into some diet, I missed the name, but that he couldn't have anything with hooves or claws...or was it fins, I don't quite remember, but anyway, I told him about what I did with the "30 day broth fast".  He seemed very interested.  I gave him the address of this blog and I do hope that he reads it.  Not necessarily that he would do what I did.  I wouldn't be able to recommend it.  Perhaps it would be great for him, but I'm not a doctor and I only did this under the recommendation of my doctor for my specific illness.  But the reason why I hope he reads this is to find inspiration for however he chooses to loose the weight so that he can live a healthy life.

That is the same reason that I write this for you.  I hope that this is a motivational story that inspires you to take on life's demons and to improve yourself.

For me, it changed my life.  Once I lost the weight, I found that not only did I have much more energy, feel 20 years younger, lose any sort of illness, but perhaps more importantly, I felt good about the way I looked...pardon me, the way I look.  It has given me great confidence.  And for a guy who had none for many years, it's a thing to behold.  I remember one evening in particular when I was downtown in Santa Barbara on State Street.  I was wearing a new tailored black shirt, with skinny jeans, and black pointy shoes.  I remember walking along and seeing people smile at me.  I remember thinking to myself, "They're smiling at me because I look good".  Now I don't know why they were smiling at me but I felt good enough about myself to consider that as a possibility.  See.  It's a complete change of mindset.  It feels great to have confidence, not arrogance, about the way you look.  It's life changing.  It sure changed my life and I hope this motivates you to IMPROVE!

2 years ago today... Happy Anniversary to me! It was today that it all started

Hi Friends,

Note to newbie's:  If you're just joining us, feel free to stick around but you might enjoy the story better if you start at the very beginning.  It reads like a book so it's fun to start with the first post and read each entry.  Here's the link:  Click Here for First Post

So today is it!! Or more accurately, 2 years ago today, I started my journey to a "new me" through a doctor recommended broth fast.  I had no idea what it would be like nor did I have any idea where it would take me.  And I have to say that I am genuinely not the same person.

The changes have been so extreme that my wife says that she has a new husband....I'm just glad that she still likes me. :-)  I look completely different.  I act completely different.  My attitude is different, and so is my outlook on life.

I now look at each day as a gift.  Probably because it is a gift and predominantly because my new life is so much better than my old one.  The truth is that the changes are so great that I feel like I was born anew this late in life.  Some go through mid-life crisis by buying a Porsche, I just did a restart.

So what have I learned in these last 2 years....People are amazed that I've done this.  And it always shocks me how many people say, "I could never do that".  Or as my new friend Aleks asked me yesterday, "What made it possible?".  I told her, "It was making the decision to do it."  I went on to tell her that I would meet some people who would say, "I'll give it a try"  Whenever I hear that I think, you won't be able to do it.  The problem is you can't try to do this.  You just have to do it.

I'm reminded of the scene in Star Wars where Luke Skywalker is speaking with Yoda and Luke says, "I'll try".  Yoda's response is, "Do. Or do not.  There is no try."
I just this moment, as I finished writing that quote thought to myself...Hmmm, did I get that right, is that what he said, like verbatim?  So I looked it up on Youtube.  Here's what I found.  Take a quick moment to watch this and then come back to this blog.  But please come back :-)  I have another comment about this.  Yoda on YouTube "Do, or do not" "There is no try" 

Did you catch the part where Yoda says, "You must unlearn what you have learned".  Yes!! It is so true!!  I had learned wrongly.  I needed to unlearn what I had learned about poor health and negative thinking.  In another quote in talking with Luke, Luke asked Yoda about being alone.  The conversation goes like this:

     Luke: "Master Yoda, are you content? You've been alone for so long..."
     Yoda: "Alone? No. Always the past to keep me company."

Yes, and that is sometime the problem.  "Always the past to keep me company."  Sometimes company is nice to have.  But sometimes company is horrible and you can't wait for them to leave.  And sometimes "company" or "the past" show up at the most inopportune times.  Sometimes the past is like an evil ghost who is there to torment and remind us of past failures.  To accuse us in our new life that we haven't really changed.  All that old stuff is still there.  But like an old girlfriend, or a troublesome car that has since been sold, we don't have to carry this with us.  And even a haunted house can be left and we can move to a new home, in a new city, far away from the past.  We can learn from the past but we don't have to carry it around like a ton of lead.

Jerry Garcia sings in his song, "New Speedway Boogie"
"Now I don't know, but I've been told it's hard to run with the weight of gold,
Other hand I've heard it said, it's just as hard with the weight of lead."

Yes, what he sings here is true.  But a weight of gold has more value than a weight of lead.  How we view the past determines whether we carry a weight of gold or a weight of lead.  And although we do carry the past with us, we can choose to cary with us the parts of the past that are gold or the parts that ate lead.  In truth, we cannot carry both.  It’s not possible to carry that much.  We can only carry a limited portion of weight, that is all that is possible.  For some of us, it’s best not to carry any at all.  Life is lighter that way.  So if you are to carry the load, make sure it’s gold.  For those who try to carry both, they find a weight to great to carry.  It leads to failure.

So I chose not to to “try”.  I chose to “Do”.  And moving forward I choose not to “carry a weight of lead”.  I choose to carry a “weight of gold”.  

SURVEY QUESTION: Should I write a book?

My last post (I wrote it moments ago) addressed, in part, making a difference in the lives of some.

I am happy and thankful for the over 35,000 blog views that I have received.  Perhaps there are more at your reading of this.  Let's hope so.  :-)

So here's the question:

       SHOULD I WRITE A BOOK?

If you think, and you would like to let me know, you might like to drop an email my way.  It would mean a lot and I would appreciate your note.  My email is:

mike93108
at
gmail

There's a lot more to this story than what I shared here.  To modern speak;  Just sayin'

IN DEFENSE OF MY FAST -or- A lesson in "vocabulary", And a response to emails that I've received

Someone told me that you know when you have done something significant because people you will hear people criticize you and what you've done.  I guess that is true with what I've done here.

NEWBIES:  If you're just joining us, I'd encourage you to read this blog from the first entry, but in summary, I lost 45 pounds in total with a jump start of having lost 35 pounds in 2 months drinking nothing but homemade soup broth, yes just the broth, on a doctor supervised broth fast to fix a number of significant health issues that I had been facing.  It was only the beginning of a changed life.  The story, at this point, is only a little over 70 posts long, like a very short book.  I'd encourage you to read it all.

Now back to our story.

Recently, I received two emails.  The first one that I'll mention was very sweet and heartwarming from a lady who read all of the posts here.  This is the first bit from the email that she wrote to me:

"My name is Amy and I discovered your blog about 6 months ago. I read it with enthusiasm and loved to hear your stories.  I am now wanting very much to start a broth fast as a catalyst for change in my own life."

That email meant SO much to me.  It really inspired me to write more, and I really enjoyed writing back to her and her husband.  And she asked questions.  Asked for my advice or opinions about a few things related to this.  And she also added that she wanted to know some specific soup recipes (a common inquiry).  But it was just that she wrote to me at all that made me feel so good.  She was and is an encouragement to me.  You see, I want to make a difference.  I think that this is my main goal in life... To make a difference.  Amy and her husband's note showed me that I am having an impact on somebody for "good".  Actually, Amy is the real motivation for writing this post today.  So, Thanks Amy!!  Your note of encouragement has done wonders for me.

And as they say in the boxing ring, "And in this corner... (he says with his best Howard Cosell) weighing in at some unknown weight is the opponent" Amy's opponent, and I guess mine, was from someone who manages a Fasting website.  I wrote in their forum about what I had done, believing that it would be helpful or motivating to readers.  And then I received an email entitled "Topic Disapproved"  Stating, among other things:

"30 days is ridiculous and unhealthy."

I felt like...thank you for your ignorant commentary on my doctor recommended and supervised method for providing me with complete healing, and transformation, from what was in the past a very unhealthy life.  I use the word "ignorance" because clearly this person didn't and couldn't have read my complete blog, and doubtful they read any of it, to make that determination.  Noah Webster defines Ignorance as:  "lack of knowledge, education, or awareness"  Webster is right...a "lack of knowledge".  It is doubtful that this individual possessed knowledge in the area of not only my personal story, but also about Cushing's disease and hyper-cortisolism.  It is doubtful that they studied disease at UCLA after UCLA graduated them as a Medical Doctor.  Here is the response I wrote to their email saying that my topic about weight loss was disapproved:

"That's fine but it was fully doctor supervised. I had Cushing's Syndrome. Before the fast I was fat, diabetic, cholesterol over 350, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and impotence.
I've lost 45 pounds, kept it off for 2 years, my cholesterol dropped to 182. My blood pressure dropped 30 points, my diabetes is gone and my numbers are normal at A1C of 5.7. I don't have sleep apnea any more and I am as sexual solid as I was when I was in my 20s. Overall, I am much healthier than I ever have been.
My body was addicted to cortisol and that is no longer an issue.
I appreciate your website and the help that you are providing to many. But you are missing a lot of data to say that what I did was ridiculous or unhealthy. Furthermore it's not that uncommon. Whether it's a vegetable juice fast or a soup broth fast, there are many who have done this who were very sick, like me, and now live very healthy lives. I'm 50 years old and went from working at a desk to losing weight. And then after that I got a job working at a high volume large restaurant as a waiter. I work with all 20-something's and keep up with them just fine. It is very physically demanding and I handle it just fine. (And I go dancing with them after work)
So, I understand your forum rules and hopefully you understand a little bit more about what I did, the results, and why.
Best of luck to you with your project. I'm sure that you are helping many people."

Although my topic was "Disapproved", I guess that shows that I have done something "significant" in the lives of some.

For anyone who opposes what I did, I refer you to the wise Native American counsel: "Don't criticize a man until you have walked 2 moons in their moccasins" and the addendum "walk in an other man's moccasins so you know where they pinch".  

I did what I believed was right given the alternatives that I researched with the help of a wise doctor to my "unhealthy" state at that time.  And with regard to the reference of what I did as "ridiculous", I would point us back to that same dictionary that tell us that "ridiculous" stems from the word "ridicule" defined as:the act of making fun of someone or something in a cruel or harsh way : harsh comments made by people who are laughing at someone or something.  I guess "ridiculous" might be an accurate statement, but then again it depends on how it's used.  The manager of the fasting site did provide "ridicule" of me.  But I provide no ridicule of what anyone does that takes them from a place of disease and unhealth to a place on healing and health.

PS:  Thanks Amy for not "disapproving" of what I did, and also for your wise lack of "ridicule".