Today is Wednesday and the 9th day of part two of my fast.
Today started early with great news from our son David. I awoke to a text message shortly after 6AM. He completed one of his mid-terms and received his grade. He earned a 98.5%, we are so proud of him. He has worked so hard and we think that he is just great.
I was up and out the door by 6:45 on my way to the weekly Christian Business Men's breakfast out on beautiful Stearn's Wharf in Santa Barbara. I felt really good about myself, not the most familiar feeling for me. I was wearing a dress shirt that would have been far too small to wear only 2 months ago, along with a suit coat that I was about to discard, again too small. But these clothes did not look too small. They looked just right. They could have even been smaller. What a difference. This has improved my self image dramatically.
I have never been one that liked looking in the mirror. I would look at myself only one time each day. When I was out of the shower and wet, I would brush off the foggy mirror well enough to see that I got the part in my hair straight, and that was it. I didn't like what I saw, so why would I stand around and look at the image? Certainly it was more than my weight, but looking fit again certainly helped things. THe truth is that after many years filled with negative comments about nearly every part of my life, I have developed a very poor self image with the manifestation being an attitude of negativity. I was critical and condemning. I don't really know how my sweet wife stuck by me but I am very thankful that she did and I will never, ever forget that. I'm still far from being Mr. Sunshine all of the time, but I am improving and the weight loss has been an enormous help. It appears to me that it is not just the loss of weight but also "input" of healthy food.
Back to the Men's breakfast, I really enjoy this group of gentlemen who have always been kind and supportive to me. I haven't been for about a month and when I arrived there was none of the common, "where have you been"? It was more like, "Mike!! We're glad that you are back!" They said that they had been praying for me and for the mission of our organization to "Improve and strengthen Christian schools around the US and beyond". They all wanted an update and I was happy to share about the great success that we were having. Furthermore and since I wasn't eating, they asked if I would read an article sent to us for encouragement from the parent organization, CBMC. Gulp, me read? Out loud? In a group? I'll speak in front of thousands and not blink an eye, but to read out loud in front of even a couple of good friends is….well, far outside of my comfort zone. Each week we typically pass around an article similar to this and we each read one very short paragraph, more like 2 or 3 sentences. To prepare for this, I count the paragraphs and ignore all that is being said so that I can re-read my little section in advance. You see, I have dyslexia. This makes reading "silently" a challenge. Also, it means that I am a VERY slow reader. But aloud? Now that become quite difficult. I paused part way through sentences and sometimes after every couple of words. It is truly a challenge.
But, I was apparently called to read this and I have felt that anything that our good Lord calls me to do, I will do without "fear and trembling". This was definitely an event that would test my faith and my self confidence. So, I accepted the task and opened with a short caveat. I told the group, of some of Santa Barbara's most successful men, that I have dyslexia and reading aloud is a challenge for me. I asked them to bear with me if I stumble. With that, I glanced at the full text, type written and over a page in length.
I am very happy to report that, and thanks be to God, that I was able to read the entirety without much stumbling at all. Furthermore, the text was as if it were hand picked for me, perhaps it was.
I don't know if anyone heard what I read while I was reading, but I did. And it hit home like a master carpenter drives a nail into freshly a freshly milled board.
I have changed. I have changed for sure. It is a gift to me and to my sweet wife, Suzy and to our son David.
